“Do I have permission?”, my client asked rhetorically. We were discussing the struggle so many of us face in making self-care a priority, feeling guilty for taking care of ourselves. Somehow we’ve been conned into thinking that this is selfish. We should always take care of others before ourselves shouldn’t we?
We tend to ignore our inner wisdom’s guidance that the exact opposite is true. Not only does taking good care of ourselves before others benefit us; it also benefits others. Others get to spend time with our relaxed, happy selves, not our exhausted, resentful selves. We have much more to give when we make our well-being a priority.
When are we going to stop looking around us and waiting for permission from others to do what we know deep down is best for us?
After this conversation with my client, I noticed a book called Getting Permission on a shelf I passed every day. It’s a reference book on requesting copyright permission. I’d been seeing it in my peripheral vision for months, maybe years. Perhaps this book was a subliminal factor in my response to the COVID-19 outbreak.
In mid-March 2020, before the Indiana governor started the ‘lockdown,’ I made the decision to suspend in-person sessions at my office. After a ton of research, I had discovered, that I couldn’t ensure client safety, no matter what precautions I took. At the time I thought this was just a short-term thing and everything would be back to normal quickly.
Fast forward to August 2020 and I made the decision to remain closed for in-person sessions for the rest of 2020. This was a decision I had wrestled with every day since March. I didn’t want to face this crazy new reality that massage therapy had become a life-threatening activity.
In my heart I had known all along that this was the best and only call I could make for everyone concerned. But I didn’t want to accept it. I kept waffling, delving into study after study, and checking for updates on government and news sites. Surely there was some way around this new reality.
It felt terrible because I didn’t want to let clients down or struggle financially. I’d been booked solid before the COVID-19 crisis. And I had just opened a new, beautiful office just two weeks before I closed down.
The sight of that book made me realize I’d been looking for permission outside myself. I’d been looking for justification to either return to the old normal or to act on what my inner guidance had been telling me all along.
When I finally chose to remain closed for the remainder of 2020 and notified my clients, I felt a profound letting go. I accepted this new reality wherever it would take me. I released the weight of the expectations of others and trusted my inner wisdom to direct me where I needed to go.
In what areas of your life are you ready to stop waiting for permission from others to do what your heart already knows would be best for you and those around you? Please let me know in the comments below.