Have you ever secretly wished you’d get sick or something bad would happen so you would finally have a good excuse to practice self-care without guilt? I have, and I know I’m not alone. Many of my clients have confessed the same thing to me.
It is hard for anyone to practice good self-care, to put our own health and wellness first. But it’s even harder for those of us who are super-sensitive to the pain, thoughts, and feelings of others. For empathic people, others’ discomfort, thoughts and feelings can overwhelm and obscure our own so much that our own wellness becomes our last priority.
Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a health crisis to snap us out of it.
When we try to stand up for our own self-care needs, we feel a gnawing sense of guilt that we can’t shake. We’re supposed to be the care givers, not care receivers; we’re selfish if we don’t put everyone else first. Our bodies put up with this behavior for a while, being constantly shoved to the back of the line, but eventually our health starts to suffer. Our bodies start dropping stronger and stronger hints that we need to pay attention to our own health, or else.
Giving Myself a Break, Literally
When the urgent care doctor came in the room to see me after he looked at the X-ray, he confirmed what I’d already known. I’d broken my left foot, the fifth metatarsal (pinky toe side of my mid-foot). It was October 2017 and it would need to be surgically repaired. I didn’t have a spectacular fall. I just slipped while working with our alpacas and fell in an odd, twisting motion in my muck boots.
The next day the orthopedic surgeon gave me a choice between trying to let it heal without intervention by staying off it for 12 weeks or having surgery and staying off it for eight. Surgery was the no-brainer choice because I needed to get back on both my feet as soon as possible and there was a chance that letting it heal itself wouldn’t work and I’d end up needing to have surgery anyway, meaning 20 weeks of recovery.
Even though I was worried about finances, being unable to do massage for at least two months, I was upbeat. I immediately began thinking excitedly of all the stuff I could do and catch up on while I was recuperating. I could finally read all those books I’d been meaning to read forever but hadn’t had time. Most important, I could really rest and not feel guilty! It couldn’t be helped, after all.
The pain in my foot as it healed after surgery was sometimes so intense that I couldn’t focus on anything else for a while. However, that two-month vacation in my bed from the endless obligations, crazy busyness, and long work hours felt pretty darn wonderful! I was completely free to rest and let myself heal and guilt didn’t darken my door once.
It didn’t dawn on me until much later that just prior to breaking my foot, I had been secretly wishing for something to happen so I’d have a good excuse to practice self-care without guilt and get the rest I so desperately needed. My body obliged, in a way I didn’t foresee.
Taking Care of Yourself First Is Taking Care of Others
Even though my downtime hurt our finances, I didn’t rush getting back on my feet and resuming my activities before my body was ready. I followed the surgeon’s instructions and as a result, was able to heal so well that at my final follow-up visit, the usually quiet and serious surgeon shocked me by shouting that my foot looked “fantastic!” Because I’d given myself the time and space to heal fully, I was able to resume all the activities I had done before with no setbacks along the way.
The example of the parent putting their oxygen mask on first on a plane is over-used, but accurate. An image I like better is that I’m a tall, glass vase, into which is poured life-giving water. If I worry about those around me not having enough water, and I tip to try and splash them, eventually I tip too far and I shatter. And then I’m of no help to anyone, including myself. But if I stand tall and accept the abundance of water given to me freely, then I overflow, and there is plenty of life-giving water to share forever with all those around me.
By taking care of myself first, I’m able to be my best self for others and I have much more to give. Practicing self-care without guilt is a gift for them too. They don’t get the snippy, exhausted, resentful me; they get the rested and refreshed, peaceful and energetic me. Which person would you rather be around?
It Is Just as Good to Receive as to Give
To be dependent on someone else, especially for daily living, was a gigantic adjustment for me when I broke my foot. I have prided myself all my life on being independent. When I was five years old, I demanded to be taught how to tie my own shoes because I didn’t want to be dependent on my parents to help me with it. Later, I demanded to be taught how to dry my own hair, and then to iron my own clothes.
Up to the point I broke my foot, I’d occasionally get sick and need some help for up to a week at most, but this was the first time I’d been unable to take care of all my needs myself for an extended period. My husband had to take everything on, and at first I felt like a burden. But then I remembered how empowered I had felt when the situation had been reversed, most notably when he was recovering from a near-fatal accident. It was hard work to take care of everything in our home and on our farm by myself, but it felt terrific to be able to do it. I proved to myself that I was capable and stronger than I had known.
I appreciated my husband on an even deeper level and he seemed to relish taking care of everything and showing his love for me in such a practical way. To relax and allow myself to be cared for was refreshing. This time was a gift for us both.
If you are ready to take care of yourself without feeling guilty, don’t wish yourself ill or wait for your body to stop you in your tracks like I did. Click here to apply for your complimentary Inner Nature Breakthrough Session with me, by phone or by video.