The holiday season is often described as a time of joy, lights, and celebration. But let’s be honest—along with the cheer often comes a heavy dose of stress, whether it’s the pressure of family expectations, the demands on our time, or the financial strain of gift-giving. If you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, know you’re not alone.
A Quick Story: Reclaiming the Holidays
Years ago, my husband and I went to a big holiday gathering, hoping to engage in fun conversation and catch up with people we hadn’t seen in a while. Instead, we found ourselves talking to each other while the rest of the people there sat around watching television. Frustrated, we asked ourselves: Why are we doing this?
Over time, we realized we had the power to make different choices. We don’t enjoy loud, raucous parties or zoning out in front of the television with others. We want to engage in meaningful conversation. Now, we only attend gatherings where that happens. This shift taught me an important lesson: we all have permission to make the holidays what we want them to be.
That experience helped me realize something powerful: we don’t have to follow the holiday script others set for us. We have the ability—and the right—to create a holiday season that feels meaningful, joyful, and true to who we are. But let’s be honest, that’s easier said than done. The holidays are often a minefield of stressors that can leave us feeling overwhelmed and stretched too thin.
The Realities of Holiday Stress
If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. A study by the American Psychological Association found that nearly 9 in 10 U.S. adults feel stressed during the holidays, with money worries topping the list. And yet, most people still believe the holidays are worth it because of the togetherness they bring.
So how do we balance the stress with the joy? The key is grounding yourself in what truly matters. Today, I’ll share my three keys to holiday well-being—practical strategies to help you feel grounded, connected, and enriched this season.
Key 1: Grounding – Taking Care of Your Physical and Mental Self
This first key is all about building a strong foundation. When we’re grounded and taking good care of ourselves, we’re better equipped to handle holiday stress with a clear mind and a steady heart. Simple practices like regular movement, intentional breathing, or setting aside daily quiet time—whether for reflection, prayer, or meditation—can keep us centered and present. Physical and mental well-being are essential here; everything else builds on this.
Practical Tip: The 5-5-7 Breath
The 5-5-7 breath is a simple yet powerful tool for calming the mind and body, especially during moments of stress. It’s called “5-5-7” because you inhale for 5 counts, pause for 5 counts, and then exhale for 7 counts. This breathing pattern helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which tells your body it’s safe to relax.
Let’s break it down, step by step:
- The Inhale: Imagine the inhale as the climb up a gentle hill. As you breathe in deeply for 5 counts, your breath steadily ascends, like moving upward along a smooth bell curve. With each count, feel your lungs filling with air, energizing your body and mind.
- The Pause: The pause is not about holding your breath or creating tension. Instead, think of it as reaching the peak of that hill—the moment you hang at the top, taking in the view. It’s a brief, restful pause, like the calm before a smooth descent. This is your chance to savor stillness before letting go.
- The Exhale: Now imagine descending the hill, gently and slowly, as you exhale for 7 counts. This longer exhale mirrors the downward slope, inviting your body to relax more deeply with each count. Let the exhale be smooth and intentional, releasing tension and grounding you in the moment.
Why does this work? The balance of the longer exhale, combined with the gentle pause, creates a rhythm that shifts your nervous system from “fight or flight” to “rest and digest.”
Key 2: Connection – Maintaining Healthy Boundaries and Setting Priorities
Holidays are about togetherness with those we love, but as much as we love our families, sometimes we just need a breather. In fact, one survey found that while 95% of Americans think spending time with family during the holidays is important, 75% admit they can only manage about four hours before they need a break. Setting healthy boundaries can help us balance that quality family time without reaching the “Get me outta here!” point too quickly.
Practical Tip: The GIFT Technique for Saying No
Setting boundaries when you’re faced with invitations or requests that might add unnecessary stress doesn’t have to feel awkward or confrontational. When we remember that saying ‘no’ to one thing means saying ‘yes’ to something else that matters more to us, it becomes easier. Here’s how the GIFT technique helps you do just that:
- G – Gratitude First: Starting with appreciation lets the other person feel seen and valued. It sets a positive tone and makes boundary-setting feel less confrontational.
Example: “Thank you so much for inviting me!” - I – Intentions Shared: By sharing your intentions, you’re gently asserting your priorities for the holiday season. This step helps make your “no” feel purposeful, not personal, and shows that you’re focused on your own needs without disregarding theirs.
Example: “This holiday season, I’m focusing on ___ OR I’m honoring my need for ______ OR I am choosing to _____.” - F – Firm and Friendly No: Being clear here is essential for boundary-setting. A friendly but firm “no” leaves little room for negotiation, which helps avoid potential guilt or pressure to explain further.
Example: “So, I’ll need to say no this time.” - T – Thanks Again or Thoughtful Alternative: Ending on a warm note reinforces that your decision is not about rejecting the person but about honoring your own needs. Offering a thoughtful alternative, if it feels right, can also help maintain connection without compromising your boundaries.
Example: “I’m really honored you thought to include me, and I’m sure it will be a fun gathering!” OR “I would really like to catch up with you. Let’s get together for coffee after the holidays.”
This approach is both kind and clear, ensuring your boundaries are respected while maintaining positive relationships.
Key 3: Enrichment – Focusing on What Brings Joy and Meaning
Enrichment is about intentionally choosing activities that nurture you and give you a sense of fulfillment. This might mean spending time in nature, reconnecting with a hobby you love, or making meaningful memories with family. Take a moment to ask yourself, “What truly makes the holidays meaningful for me? What’s most important to me?” When you focus on activities that enrich your spirit, you can bring a greater sense of joy and purpose to the season.
Practical Tip: The Appreciation Anchor Practice
An “appreciation anchor” is a reminder of what truly matters and can help bring us back to the present moment. Reflect on what would enrich your life most during the holidays, what matters most to you. Then, choose an item for each of your senses—a sight, sound, taste, smell, and touch—that represents what you appreciate most about the holidays.
For example:
- A cozy blanket (touch)
- The scent of pine (smell)
- A favorite carol (sound)
- Twinkling lights (sight)
- A holiday treat (taste)
Whenever you notice one of these anchors, pause, take a deep breath, and appreciate what’s around you. Ask yourself, “Right now, am I focusing on what matters most?” If the answer is no, don’t beat yourself up. Just noticing when you’re not doing that helps you readjust your focus.
This simple act of appreciation has a way of deepening our sense of wonder—helping us see the familiar with fresh eyes. As you pause, you may begin to notice the beauty in small details, like the way the lights glow or the warmth of a loved one’s laughter.
In moments like these, wonder becomes a powerful tool for enrichment, turning even the simplest experiences into something meaningful. Wonder invites us to slow down and reconnect with the joy of the season, reminding us that it’s often the small things, the ones that engage our senses and our hearts, that make the holidays truly special.
Reflect and Take Action
These three keys—grounding, connection, and enrichment—are the heart of the work I do with clients, and they’re also the foundation of my Identity Illumination Method. This approach is all about honoring your compassionate nature and reclaiming your sense of self and purpose.
As you embrace these keys, take a moment right now to reflect:
- What do you want most out of this holiday season?
- What truly matters to you?
These questions are more than just a starting point—they’re a way to reconnect with what lights you up and to focus your energy where it matters most. But reflection alone isn’t enough. The next step is tapping into your natural strengths to help you navigate the stress and create the kind of season you want.
Each of us has unique strengths that can guide us toward a more fulfilling and less stressful holiday season. When you uncover what makes you strong—even in challenging times—it can transform your experience, shifting from simply getting through to fully embracing the joy and meaning of the season.
If you’re curious about your unique strength—your personal “superpower”—for managing stress and navigating life’s twists and turns, I’d love to share a fun and insightful tool: my Life Transition Superpower Quiz. It’s a fun and insightful tool designed to help you uncover your natural gifts and show you how to lean into them during stressful times, whether it’s the holidays or a big life change. You can find it here.
Let’s make this season one of joy, purpose, and connection—on your terms.
Wishing you peace and wonder this holiday season,
Trina